You know, many of us GAS-afflicted spawn have the fantasy that someday we will sell everything and keep just a system to do our work. Or two. Okay, there’s my Leica rangefinder and my second body plus all the lenses; then, you can’t tell a man to get rid of his two Nikon Fs with differents prisms and lenses from 20 to 300mm; and it would be cruel to take that cutey patooty Leica R6 from him, and of course there is the Viso II for Leica screw bodies with matching Leica IIIa and a ton of Telyts…Geez, I won’t live enough lives to actually use all this stuff but I swear to God that I will riddle with bullets the motherfucker that tries to take one camera from me. It simply isn’t rational. There are chaps who work in an office, act normal all week long but then, when the weekend comes they go watching soccer and go totally apeshit and call the ref things that would make a truck driver blush. Everybody’s got a bug; mine is cameras, and I don’t think it can be cured.
Yes, this day just ought to come. If you’re one of those bitten by the analog photography bug, I’m sure that you have an idea of what Lomography is. And if you have half a brain, I’m also sure that you know that their marketing is bullshit storytelling for hipsters. Oh, it’s so post-modern. Lomography is a brand that takes a lot of heat for pricing policies, but my beef with them is totally different. The one thing I find obnoxious about them is how they treat their potential customers like we’re retards. There are dozens of lomography products I would buy, but rewarding their communication policy just makes me sick. I mean, sometimes I, children, am a bit condescending on you, my few readers, but I do so because I know you can take a joke and that you will pick me with a grain of salt. Or more than one. I would crap my pants if someone ever took what I write here at face value, and that is the only thing that is for real about my writing.
Let’s play a game. What is Baron I’s favorite thing to write about? If you said cameras, you’re wrong: as much as I love boasting about my cameras, Baron I’s favorite subject is Baron I. We’re going to leave Zenits aside for a minute and talk about how all this madness began.
First of all, you should know that Baron I has a secret personality. Much like Superman, I was born Baron I and I’m Baron I most of the time, but I conceal my camera superpowers below a much less awe-inspiring facade, just for not having to deal with nubile female groupies all the time. Let’s call this persona “Citizen I”. I must confess that sometimes I enjoy leaving my blue blood at home and mixing with the common rabble as Citizen I. Even though, my inherent, sheer, aristocratic aura spills out of me all day long, so it’s a struggle.